Hi, Pat / Cheryl Hujar (Mom to Steve )
I've been thinking of you. I always appreciate the way you keep in touch in your own way I understand that because I've really narrowed down my own contacts. You begin to see who understands you and who doesn't. And I know you feel the same pain that I do. I hope our boys know that they are still with us in our hearts and always will be. I hope they are together being the same wonderful guys they were when we still had them with us in fact I know they are. Steve's best friend had a dream that Steve came to see him and told him that when he comes to join him he'll show him the ropes. I like to hope that he's waiting for me too. Hang in there and please drop me a line every once and again. <3 Close
Sending Autumn Greetings! / Angela-Daughter To Angel Linda Taylor Read >>
Sending Autumn Greetings! / Angela-Daughter To Angel Linda Taylor
August 25th, mom loves you / MOM
Hey my sweet child well my computer has been done for 2 weeks so I am going crazy. I came to the little town library to write this. Me and Ryan went to Williamsburg a couple of weeks ago All I could see was you and Ryan sitting in that hot tub. So many memories. I have been trying to go on and go places I am starting to enjoy things again it has been along time not just because I lost you but my own personal life you know what I mean!!!!!!! Grandma is doing ok she doesnt feel good alot but she is hanging in there. Uncle Dennis is coming home sometime soon I just saw little rachel and I told her I was writing you a letter. Boy time is really flying by. I have so much to say to you I keep getting your signs and I sure do love it when that happens. Keep watching over me and your brothersm because we will always need you. I miss you so very much Bud you are my angel in the the heavens Peace sunshine Close
Thinking of you... / Angela-Daughter To Angel Linda Taylor Read >>
Thinking of you... / Angela-Daughter To Angel Linda Taylor
Well here I am again I keep thinking of you I even try to block things out sometimes but i have learned that it is impossible. How do I block out someone that was in my life for 22 years. I think back to when I was pregnant for you the way you felt in my belly kicking me all the time. The second you were born changed my life forever. You are the reason I am a mom today. So many memories of your childhood you spending so much time with Grandpa just like you are now in Heaven with him. Its ironic how things happen. You were so sad when he died you would go to the cemetary to visit with him and now you are right in front of him. Its so hard to believe this all happened. Well Shane and your dock woman got married. I'm sure you were watching from above. Days like that make it so hard on me. Thinking of all your friends that will someday walk down the isle and you never will never to have a son or daughter of your own. I really try to go on and I am but you are with me in every little thing I do every time I get in the car right there u are. I get so many signs from you and it helps it gives me a warm feeling. Just know that I love you so much more then I ever thought before the realization of you not coming home ever has set in with me...And that really is tough. I miss you Anthony.....Always and forever
The end of another month / MOM
Hows my angel? I wish you could tell me. On Saturday I got so many signs from you and it makes me feel good for a moment. Then I realize that you are in heaven where ever that may be. At times I can hardly breath I think so much that it hurts. I have moments that I feel you so close to me I see so much of you in your brothers. Its uncanny at times just how much they are like you. I feel bad for Aaron at times when so many people compare you to him especially your looks. Aaron is going back to college in a couple of days I will miss him I got use to him being around. Ryan is working on lawns he really likes being outside. You would be so proud of both of them. I hope my life is turning around so you would be proud of me. Getting out of a bad marriage was the first big step. I wish it didnt take me losing you to realize how much he affected all of our lives. The bad times with him were really bad. I am so sorry for all of that if only I could go back like 10 years or more and change things. I sure would!!!!!! I have learned so much from your death.....Most of all I know how much I love you and miss you and am so very proud to say Anthony is my son.....Thats forever Bud. Night Close
July 17th, 2009 rainy day at home / Mom
These gloomy rainy days are the worse for me. You loved the sun being able to play sports not so much the heat!!!! Thats when you were in your element. I know alot of people think about you and talk about you whenever I see one of your friends they have such positive things to say about you and they share memories with me and we laugh. You really touched alot of lives down here. We all still are waiting for you to come walking through a door and say "hey whats up". If only that could happen. Today is 6 years that Zach has been gone that really seems unreal. You couldnt believe that it happened to him and now you are with him up there. Wow have things changed. Life sure has a way of going on. Dustin was here today for dinner he goes back to Guam soon. You would think that was insane. Uncle dennis is in Iraq. You never wanted anyone to join the service. I hope they both come home safe. I took Grandma to the cancer doctor today she has to have more test done. I worry about her Im not ready to let her go. I know you and Grandpa will be there with open arms but tell god not yet. Keep watching over us down here and keep sending me those signs. I love you ANTHONY WITH ALL THAT I AM ALWAYS AND FOREVER YOUR MOM Close
Here i am again. Yesterday was Ryans party, it went nice and smooth. It brought alot of memories from your party. You would of had a great time with him and his friends. I bet you were watching from up above. I made a memorial garden for you and Grandpa in the back yard. I am so proud fo you two. We all love both of you. Sometimes I have so much to say that I cant even write. Today is one of those days Bud. Just know that I love you so very much, that will nevr change no matter how many days or years go by. Peace Sunshine
June 26, 2008 Unbelievable People out there / MOM Read >>
June 26, 2008 Unbelievable People out there / MOM
Ok Here we go again, to whom ever is so frigin low to come on here and read what I write and print it out for a lousy stepfather (DANA) to my son is pretty pathatic. I can't believe someone is so low and ignorant, let me tell you , you are no friend of mine, if you were you would light a CANDLE or show your frigin face to me, if you want to know how I feel, just ask me. Whomever you are, you and Dana make a good pair. To have him repeat to me what I am writing on here makes me sick. Like I am writing something wrong, No you ASSHOLE I am writing what I feel in my heart at the time. So make what you want out of this wonderful website, it takes people like yourself to make this world go round.. So do yourself a favor and print this out for him, This is why he meaning (Dana) isn't in my life. To have someone make fun of this is crap. Enjoy. I would love to chat with you in person and you know who you are, you frigin coward.......... Close
June 19th very bad night here / MOM
Well Bud, I just got back from talking to you at your grave. I am really hurting tonight. I went shopping today for awhile and when I got home, Aaron had taken down some of your things, it was like putting a knife in my chest. I wanted to run because I felt that your hands touched those things and your hands put them up on the wall. It was like losing you again. I feel sick to my stomach. I know he doesnt understand what I feel. I cried so hard tonight just thinking about it all and how do I go beyond right now. I cant even go downstairs now because i'M AFRAID of what i will see. I hope to go to sleep and dream about you, maybe that will help me see things differently. I just didnt want your things moved or touched let alone taken down. Im sorry to sound so upset but this is hurtful. I love you Anthony..........Always and Forever MOM Close
June 12th, Honors night for your brother / MOM Read >>
June 12th, Honors night for your brother / MOM
Hows my sunshine angel? I was so stressed about tonight but it went ok, tomorrow will be the really hard day for me, watching your little brother in his cap and gown, tonight he looked so much like you it took my breath away. I presented him with your scholarship, very nice and he didnt expect it all. It brought alot of tears to the people that were there, you would of been very proud. I hope that you are watching things down here. I worry about the parties and stuff, but I know its all part of the graduation stuff. Wish you were here to share all of this with him. He will always need you for guidance. You two had such a bond, ever since he was a newborn, you were right there to take care of him. Boy have things changed in 3 years. One thing for sure hasnt changed and thats my never ending love for you and wanting to share everything with you. Mom loves you ANTHONY JOSEPH. Be with us tomorrow..Peace my angel Close
Me Mom here!!!!! Well today Ryan went on his senior trip to Ohio. Can you believe it? I hope he has a great time just like you did. He has some good friends. Thats one thing about all 3 of you boys, you made alot of friends along your way. Social butterflies, thats a good quality to have. Aaron is at your dads, uncle Rick is in town. We all wish you were here to share things with, especially this coming week, its gonna be tough, you need to help me through it....I will be watching for signs from up above from you. I have been dreading Ryans graduation for 3 years, but I cant stop the clock. I will be ahving a party for him and that will also be rough, I havent really done anything except Grandmas birthday party...At times I sit here and wonder what would you be doing right now, would you be engaged or something, where would you be working, would you be announcing some place. So many questions, no more future. Just my memories!!!!!! Well I love you so very much Anthony, always and forever, that sounds like such a long time, FOREVER!!!!!!
Sunday, almost a new month / MOM
Hey Bud, Me mom here. So many thoughys go through my mind all the time. I have so much to do and yet I can't get myself to do them, just little things. I mean I dont sit around all the time but i have to force myself. So much has changed around here since you have been gone. Life sure has thrown me for a loop. I do know that i will never be the same as I was before you died. I try but nope she is gone. I dont have the patience that I use to have or the tolerance for ignorant people. I say whats on my mind and if they dont like it then oh well. I know that sounds crappy but thats how I feel. I didn't deserve to lose you. There are so many times when I really need to talk to you and I do but I dont get a response, that really hurts. Then there are times when I know you hear me and all of a sudden there is something right in front of me that makes me feel you are with me. Those things I treasure and they make me feel warm inside if only for a few moments. Grandma has been getting better, still having a hard time breathing and getting around. It would bother you to see her that way. I dread the thought of losing her. Because who will I have except your brothers. She has always been there looking out for us. Ry an has been busy with his friends getting ready to graduate, they painted the big stone with 2009 on it, he will be going to parties. He has that fake baby again this weekend from school, that is crazy. Aaron went to Ricky and Joe Smiths last night for their graduation from the military and college. Yep Joe graduated from college, took him awhile but he is done. I see so many of your frineds out and about and I just think why not them , why you. You should be here, partying, working, maybe getting engaged, having a child, just every thing a 24 year old would be doing. I envy them and their parents. If only they knew this heartache that I carry around with me every second that i am alive. Well sunshine, I will try to get myself motivated today, I love you ANTHONY so very much, I miss you and I need you that is for always....... Close
May 25th Memorial Day, very lonely day for me.... / MOM Read >>
May 25th Memorial Day, very lonely day for me.... / MOM
Been thinking about you and Grandpa alot today. Aaron went to your dads for a picnic, Ry went to the lake to eat and I stayed home with Grandma. We got alot of yard work done today. Now we need to start working on the pool and get it open. Ryan had his senior prom on Saturday night, he looked so handsome. I of course went and took pictures with Brenda, just like we always did. Watching him dance with his friends was a hard thing for me, it made me think of you and your prom. It was the time of your life or at least you thought it was. So much has happened in 6 years. Its so hard to get used to the idea that you are really gone from home and that I wont see you again until I die. Thats so hard to accept. Some times I try to keep myself busy so that I dont think all the time, but at night when I start to dwindle down it hits me, the reality of losing you and what it has done to all of us. I wish I could talk to you for real. Grandma hasn't been feeling that great, but she sure is a fighter, doesn't seem fair that she has to struggle so much, she goes to the doctors tomorrow. Aaron is home for awhile, he has been working around here alot, i so appreciate it. Well Bud, you know that mom loves you from earth to heaven and I need you so much, especially the closer it gets to graduation, I dread that so much......Peace to you sweet son of mine..... Close
May 17th Sunday Missing you / Mom
Hey my angel, Hows moms boy? I wish you could show me or tell me somehow!!!!I am so glad to be back on this site. Its really chilly today. Me & Aaron have been doing some yard work, it looks good at Grandmas, wish you were here to help....I sit and look at you in pictures and it is so lonely, you look so happy and full of life. I will never loose that vision of trying to wake you that morning. I go downstairs now after 3 years and it hits me, but I wouldn't want it any other way. I am so glad that you were at home when God took you. I will never understand why. The centary looks like crap, they dont mow it like they should. I wish I had a truck so I could do it. Well Bud, Mom loves you that my son is for always..... Close
May 14th, I finally can get on this site. / MOM Read >>
Well it has been 3 very long years without you here at home with us. U R always with us but its not the same anymore. Your 3rd annual baseball tournament was on Saturday. It was a huge success, you would be so proud to see so many people wearing your name on a t-shirt. It sure was a bittersweet day for me. Aaron was there this year and that made me so happy along with Grandma Survilla and Aunt Theresa and of course Grandma. Its so nice to have so many people show how they care about you and keeping your memory alive. we let off over 200 balloons to Heaven from the field. John Matzo made a wonderful banner with your name on it, so we can use it every year. I wish you could tell me what you thought of it all. But of course there was a rainbow at the end of the day, has been for all 3 years..So many signs from you....Ya know Ryan is graduating next month, he has prom next week, be with him, share those special moments some how with him, let him know you are there with him. Aaron is back home for the summer from Pittsburg, its nice to have him around. Those 2 are really so much like you, lately I have almost called them each by your name, luckily I stop myself. Uncle Dennis is in Iraq and Dustin is in Guam. Crazy stuff going on. Have you met up with Vince yet? So many wonders of this world and the world beyond here. I have missed being able to come on here and write things to you. Its been warm home but today is windy and rainy. Well Anthony, just know that I love you so very much, Mothers day was on Sunday, that was a tough one to get through without letting others know that I was hurting and missing you. I love your brothers to pieces but I want you back. Still so hard to believe that you will never walk through the door again and say "Yo whats up". All I have is my love for you and all the memories that we made together , just you, me, Aaron and Ryan. We were a good mother and sons team. We all shared so much and for that I am thankful. Mom loves you Bud, Peace to you in Heaven.....
Hey Bud, Me mom as always.....Boy do I need you around me. I have been going back and forth to the hospital, getting really mentally drained but Grandma needs me...She has been really fighting hard. But she is getting better. I dont understand why she has had to suffer so much in her lifetime. It doesnt seem fair.
Your tournament is coming together. I love that others want to keep your memory alive, its not just me!!!!!!I wish you were here to be the head of things. Ryan tries so hard to be the man of the house and Aaron is working so hard at college. Its like I need a little extra boost of strenght to help them.
Im sorry that I havent been on here as much, but I will get back to the swing of things soon....I love you so much Anthony
Hey Bud, Me mom as always.....Boy do I need you around me. I have been going back and forth to the hospital, getting really mentally drained but Grandma needs me...She has been really fighting hard. But she is getting better. I dont understand why she has had to suffer so much in her lifetime. It doesnt seem fair.
Your tournament is coming together. I love that others want to keep your memory alive, its not just me!!!!!!I wish you were here to be the head of things. Ryan tries so hard to be the man of the house and Aaron is working so hard at college. Its like I need a little extra boost of strenght to help them.
Im sorry that I havent been on here as much, but I will get back to the swing of things soon....I love you so much Anthony
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